being present

It’s hard to believe that I have been a mom for over three months now. The days drag sometimes – amidst trying to entertain a baby, deal with undiagnosed crying, and naptimes – but the weeks are flying now.

In the beginning it was the hardest. I was trying to do everything right but it was hard to accept that maybe I’d have a different experience than the baby books told me. Tracey Hogg, “The Baby Whisperer,” tickled my ear with her promises of a routine early on, and yet berated me for being in my pajamas all day after the first couple of weeks. Dr. Sears was mostly helpful but still made me feel guilty that I wasn’t giving enough and doing enough. Dr. Weissbluth (sleep researcher who wrote Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) was probably my favorite for his no-nonsense, straightforwardness. I read his words over and over the first six weeks as he assured me they were the hardest, I would probably want to quit breastfeeding, and there would be times my baby would cry and may not be comforted by anything other than nursing.

But as any first-time mom will tell you, it gets easier. Two months ago at this time I would have had the baby attached to me non-stop and be typing with one hand. Today I am able to drink a cup of coffee while the baby takes a nap in her crib. I don’t have a mental countdown always going to keep track of when my husband will get home. I don’t feel constantly overwhelmed. Things are getting easier.

Yet I recognize that in some ways I wished away those first two months. Being a new mom and having no in-person support was very difficult and I found myself not being fully present. I find my memories of that time are already blurred, yet I swore to myself that I could never forget the days and nights of desperately wanting that little baby to stop nursing, to let me sleep, to stop popping off the breast over and over. I think I didn’t absorb the goodness and sweetness very well. I just let myself be too frustrated and tired and overwhelmed. It’s hard for me to see that little baby clearly in my mind – I already am having to refer to pictures sometimes, instead.

Having a child is a race against time. I was never the type to really desire having children, so in some ways, I’m very surprised at how nostalgic I’m already becoming. My baby is not even close to leaving babyhood and I see how grown up she’s getting – teeth threaten to break out of her gums; her noises are becoming more distinct; her body gets stronger and does new things. And I guess I just need to remind myself that I need to make sure I stay present right where we are. It’s easy to think, “I can’t wait until she can do ______” (walk, talk to me, go to sleep on her own…). But there is a long list of milestones and once one is reached, you can never go back. I don’t want to wish away her babyhood by being dissatisfied where she’s at, or being overly nostalgic. I need to just be present and attempt to savor every moment as best I can.

What does that look like, exactly? Well, I’m trying to take mental snapshots – to make the memories in my head so that I don’t forget them or rely on pictures or typed words in the future. I’m trying to stay off my computer while she’s awake so that I give her my full attention instead of dividing it up, even when all we’re doing is reading the same book we’ve read a bazillion times. I’m trying to touch her and be affectionate so that it’ll be familiar and normal to cuddle, snuggle, have a head or back rub.

She won’t be a baby forever, which is both wonderful and sad. I want to look back and be proud of how much I gave of  myself, and not be guilty of only giving the minimum required.

A new season

The clouds are moving fast today… it’s been raining a lot, and the fog was hanging out in the crevices of the hills when I looked out earlier this afternoon. (If you’re curious, it’s the exact same view as the picture on our blog header.)

Seasons and weather sometimes seem to be a perfect analogy for my moods and thoughts, and this winter and spring definitely worked out that way. The winter always feels long for me since I moved to Idaho – there were years in Moscow when there was about one week of warm-ish weather before the spring semester ended. I don’t think the weather here in Korea will be quite that bad, but it definitely has been a long winter for me! The combination of being a stay-at-home wife in a small town in a foreign country with no family or close friends and being pregnant and three weeks overdue, during the winter, was killer… not an experience I’d want to repeat. Time just seemed to craaaawwwl along. And I thought THAT was hard… then I became a mom!

Being a mom is lots of sacrifice, not much sleep, and insane amounts of nursing in the first few weeks. I love my beautiful daughter but I must admit that in some ways I am counting down to the 6-8 week mark, when she will (hopefully) start being less fussy, more interactive, and having longer sleep periods. She is almost five weeks now so that goal is not far off. And hmm, maybe I will get showers more frequently, and be able to do things around the house… Regardless, though, I do love getting to cuddle her, interact with her and figure out ways to get her to give me a big gummy smile. I know that this period is fleeting, though it feels long now.

Anyway, I’m connecting in my mind the fact that warmer weather is coming, and we’ll probably be more settled into a routine and able to enjoy it and each other. Sort of like when a bear emerges from hibernation when the winter is over, we will emerge from our cave when the season allows. I’ve seen some 60-degree days in the forecast soon and I can’t wait for them to arrive, and can’t wait to share them with Eleanor.

a choice to love

A quote by writer Ann Voskamp is ringing true for me today:

“Love is not passion. It is the pulse of sacrifice.” 

In this moment of my life, there may as well be a banner hanging somewhere nearby with this quote and the phrase, “Welcome to Motherhood!” just below it.

I’m facing the fact that I’ve had a pretty easy pregnancy, which is coming to a quick ending and being replaced by the final weeks of waiting on baby (as it does for all mothers), and now my sacrifice begins. For anyone who (like me) hasn’t ever put much thought into what your mom sacrificed just to birth you, not to mention raising you for all those years, here are my experiences – and I’m positive there are worse experiences than mine out there. I would say that these things in themselves are not that bad, but right now, I have been experiencing them for 10 months, and some of them are increasing in intensity:

- having to sleep on your side, and not your back (and currently on a rather hard mattress)
- trying to turn from one side to the other in the midst of pain
- waking up from nights of inadequate sleep due to aches and pains
- persistent bathroom stops, all day long and at night
- one word: sciatica
- avoidance of foods you love and crave

And I am just now realizing, at the end of pregnancy, that my sacrifice has not truly begun, but I thought it was almost over.

Yesterday my Korean doctor told me that if I want to have a natural childbirth, I will have to exercise 2-3 hours a day for the baby to come in time. I am willing to bet that it is a bit overkill to try to do that much exercise. But at this point, even an hour of exercise is a lot for me to do, partly because I have sciatica which flares up if I push myself too hard physically, to the point where I am unable to walk on my own. The funniest part of this whole thing is that when I mentioned this to the doctor, her response was, “Well, then, how can you expect to exercise that much?” As if I have no choice but to medicate myself in order for labor to happen.

Well, I do have a choice. And I think yesterday was the first really difficult choice I had to make for the love of my baby and what I (and Willy) believe is best…

I waddled my pregnant self to a gym on a 10-15 degree snowy night in late January, and I walked. I used the treadmill there for about 35 minutes, then we walked home.

Got sciatic pain. Got heartburn. Took Tums. Went to bed. More heartburn. More tums. Sobbed for a bit. Had my husband warm up my heating pad that I’d bought earlier in the day so that I could lay it on my back/butt/leg when (not if) I got sciatic pain. Slept (not especially well).

I already knew just from being married that love is sacrifice, but I know it’s going to be taught to me in a whole different dimension now. There will most likely be very little affirmation or recognition for this sacrifice, at least from the person whom I will be loving on. It will be hard, and that love will require me to suffer.

But I have Someone who has already done this and who I can model myself after. Actually, in the middle of my crying last night, the thing that calmed me down was remembering Him.

³ He was despised and rejected by mankind, 
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. 
Like one from whom people hide their faces 
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain 
   and bore our suffering, 
yet we considered him punished by God, 
   stricken by him, and afflicted. 
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions, 
   he was crushed for our iniquities; 
the punishment that brought us peace was on him, 
   and by his wounds we are healed. 

–Isaiah 53

His sacrifice was the greatest… therefore, I can make it through, even though I’m fleshly, selfish, greedy and like to throw  pity parties.

I’ll choose to thank Him for the opportunity to be more like Him and less like me.

And I’ll choose to love.

some quick thoughts on Pinterest

Pinterest is all the rage among the demographics that I fall squarely into, there is no doubt. Female twenty-somethings love it, obsess over it and apparently can spend hours pinning to their hearts’ content.

I am on the fence.

I understand the attraction, and at the same time, I am not really interested in spending a bunch of time on Pinterest. I guess I just want to say this:

Pinterest is really only worth the time you spend on it if it is purposeful and helpful. Like many other social networking tools and sites, it can offer great benefits, but it can also just waste a bunch of your time, make you unproductive, or make you really narcissistic.

For example:

I have people that I follow, as well as friends, who constantly post pictures of very fit women who are working out or doing some crazy yoga pose or athletic feat. Now, I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to share stuff like this, but what is the purpose? I think people like to motivate themselves to be in or get into shape. But to me, it’s not wise. It’s a pretty slippery slope to be constantly viewing images like this and potentially obsessing over them. One minute you’re happy with how you look, then you look at your Pinterest account, and you’re reminded of everything that you’re unhappy about with your body. And even with plenty of exercise and self-discipline, you may never look like that model.

We can’t just let ourselves ride a roller coaster of self-deprication and punishment because of what we’re told to look like, especially when it’s a silly picture that’s encouraging us to talk down to ourselves. At least, I know that it is unhealthy for me to view images like that all the time, especially when I am pregnant and feel kinda yucky and pudgy, and it would be really unhealthy for me to compare myself to a woman doing a headstand who has abs of steel. We don’t all have to be fitness models, and we’re not going to. It’s very difficult to find the discipline to view images like this with a healthy perspective, no matter what you look like and what shape you’re in at the time.

So, I have a new philosphy on Pinterest when it comes to matters like this: when you notice items being posted that bring you down, or seem really pointless or unhealthy or unpurposeful, just stop following the board that they are being posted to. There are people I follow who post both things I love and things I don’t, and the easiest thing to do to determine what you look at it is to go to someone’s boards, glance through them and “unfollow” whatever you don’t prefer.

I guess maybe this is a silly thing to write about, but I just feel that it’s a good general thought that we are very capable of choosing what we want to consume, whether it’s TV, facebook, or just playing around with apps on a smartphone way too often. When we’re adults, we’re not often held accountable by others; it’s our responsibility to choose our exposure levels wisely. I think it’s necessary, even with Pinterest use, to make wise choices and treat ourselves respectably. It’s easy to live in condemnation and feel that you don’t measure up to other people’s standards – in physical fitness, craftyness, style, cooking or creativity. But don’t do it. Just accept who you are, and with God’s help, improve in the things you’re able to. We could all stand to love ourselves a little bit more.

clouds in the northwest

So, confession time: I am starting to get scared. Of everything.

I don’t like being afraid. I don’t think anyone really does. But there’s a lot ahead in my family’s life that is uncertain, and while I’m not in the thick of it yet, I see it coming. Actually, it sort of reminds me of the Little House on the Prairie series, which I’ve been reading lately.

In The Long Winter, Laura is about 12 or 13, and she and her family are living in South Dakota. They end up enduring an unbelievably difficult winter season in which they have to burn hay to stay warm, eat only bread made from wheat that they’ve ground all day with their coffee grinder, and get hit by blizzard after blizzard… for seven months.

Most of the time they have a blizzard for three or four days in a row, and then maybe one day of sunshine. But eventually they always see that next blizzard cloud coming out of the northwest. With no trains coming in with supplies and no way out (and not enough money, even if they could leave), all they could do when they saw the storm cloud coming was prepare for it as well as they could and brace themselves– committing not to give up, even when life just felt like a giant loop of struggle, cold and backbreaking work in order to stay alive.

Now, my life is definitely not so dire as that. However, I know that my resolve and determination is no match for those pioneers. I don’t like seeing storm clouds come, but instead of springing to action when they happen, I just want to get in bed, get under the covers and cry. I’m not very good at enduring difficulties, being patient or feeling out of control of my circumstances. These last couple months have been hard in some ways, and I can see another blizzard cloud on the horizon: Korea. It’s getting closer, too.

There are things I’m totally excited about, and things that I am dreading. I am excited to meet new people, experience a different culture and climate, eat delicious food (I do like Korean food, at this point), and generally have the freedom again to set our own routine. I would say in general I’m not very nervous about actually adjusting to life, there.

I am dreading the unknown parts, and a lot of that has to do with having a baby. The other day I started thinking about what might happen if Willy couldn’t get away from work when the baby comes and if I’d have to do it on my own. And I worry, like anybody who’s never had a kid, if I’m going to do a good job at all. I’m not a “kid person”; I fawn over cute dogs more than cute children. And it’s much easier for me to take a disciplinarian approach with kids than to figure out how to play with them. How do I bridge the gap between what I want to do with my child ideologically and what comes naturally to me?

I think a lot of my feelings come down to being afraid of the unknown, especially when the unknown will have a drastic effect on my life every day, forever.

It’s interesting— in the books, Laura is tempted to be scared sometimes; her method of dealing with it is to think of her dad, who is strong and steady, and remember him telling her that she must never be afraid. She is even able to emulate that stalwart defense against fear for her little sisters, which comforts them and encourages them, as well as herself.

I have that same heritage, but for some reason it’s easy for me to get scared. But the Word of God actually has a lot to say about fear, and even what it’s rooted in.

Here’s one of my favorites:

“This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:17-18)

I absolutely don’t have to be afraid when I remember who I am:

“Love hath conformed us to him; as he was the great lover of God and man, he has taught us in our measure to be so too, and he will not deny his own image. Love teaches us to conform in sufferings too; we suffer for him and with him, and therefore cannot but hope and trust that we shall also be glorified together with him.” –Matthew Henry Commentary on the Whole Bible

So how can knowing who I am change how I react to the storm clouds?

I remember that I’m a vapor here, just like the water vapor in those clouds. I also remember that God loves me and allows me to suffer, that I may be glorified with Him.

That’s the simple answer, and it’s all I can come up with tonight.

a tip for drinking enough water

[Preface] So for the past month or so I’ve been unemployed.

I’ve never particularly been one for routine, so honestly, I’ve kind of been enjoying the fact that I don’t have to get up at the same time every day and do the same things. I can eat breakfast when I want to (and decide if I want to cook it or be lazy about it), take a shower whenever, and go somewhere if I feel like it, or not. I usually choose not to because a) we’ll run out of money if I spend it every day, and b) my in-laws have every season of the show The Gilmore Girls, which I am slowly working my way through watching. (again)

Anyway, I digress. Though the ol’ “routine” and I have had some head-butts over the years, it has helped me in some ways. For instance, it is very good to have a time to brush your teeth every day. This has become a little lax since I’ve stopped eating breakfast and leaving the house every morning (just being honest here, folks). But the main routine I’ve had issue with since leaving work is consuming enough water. Every morning at work I would arrive with my 32 oz. Nalgene bottle filled and tried to always drink it all by lunch, at which time I’d refill it and drink the whole thing again by quittin’ time. It was a good routine, a good amount of water consumed during my work day, and one that I didn’t even really have to think about too much.

… Until now. I have been really, really bad about drinking enough water — which has meant I’ve been under-hydrated, had more digestive issues, and dealt with some pretty ugly dry skin and cracked lips. I’m also growing a tiny human inside me who would probably appreciate it if I’d drink enough water.

Today I finally devoted some of my lazy day brain time to the issue, and finally came to a somewhat obvious solution of what to do.

(photo credit)

Mason jars to the rescue! I realized that my problem was not a lack of trying, but a lack of a large container for my water: I don’t like having only an 8 to 16 oz.-ish glass that I have to keep refilling multiple times a day. The quart-sized mason jars are the same size as my Nalgene bottles, but are more appropriate for everyday, at-home use. I think I even drank four jars full of water today – a significant improvement from recent days!

Oh, by the way, I have to admit that my mason jar idea wasn’t original – I stole it from my pal Molly, whom I have observed doing it herself. Thanks Molly! It’s one more great use for these jars, which I already love for everyday food storage in my kitchen, in addition to using them for canning, flower vases and home decor. Give it a try if you get the chance!

a week 18 update

Yesterday was the 18-week mark for the little one growing inside me. It’s pretty hard for me to believe I’m getting so close to week 20 – that will be 5 months (and about halfway there)!

In case you’re unfamiliar, the pregnant woman’s possibility of miscarriage is generally measured in how far along she is – and the chances greatly decrease as her pregnancy progresses. One thing that I have been amazed at learning is that babies can still survive at a very early point in their growth. According to about.com, babies born at 25 weeks (just over 6 months of gestation) have a 50% chance at survival, and it only gets better from there. That is AMAZING! We are definitely blessed these days with medical technology and information. Fortunately, I have had no reason for any concern so far, and being pretty healthy overall, I don’t really anticipate having any serious issues.

It’s easy to worry, though, and any sane mother-to-be probably does. I honestly have had a very easy pregnancy so far, so sometimes I get concerned that something is wrong since it’s been so peaceful, I haven’t gotten much of a belly yet, and haven’t felt much, beyond a couple weeks of nausea. I think today I might have felt a tiny movement, but when I tried to feel for more, I couldn’t detect anything else. I haven’t paid a whole lot of attention to the week-by-week development guide recently, so I was surprised at how big the baby is getting already: around 5.6 inches long and almost 7 ounces. The exciting stuff is bound to start happening soon!

I'm pretty sure that belly you see is mostly just weight gain, but I guess I have an excuse...

In other news, things are finally picking up with trying to go to S. Korea. We are awaiting Willy’s FBI background check, which we know for a fact will be arriving soon – probably next week sometime; and we sent off his diploma to the ID Secretary of State to get an official notarization that was required. That should also arrive soon. So within one or two weeks, all paperwork needed for applying for a job will be done! He did send in his application in today – another big step. So we are probably nearly there in terms of knowing more and having more to share with family and friends who ask, “So how are things going with South Korea?” It will be lovely to see some progress, as it’s a process that we started in early June. Recommendation to anyone interested in teaching English abroad: start 6 months before you want to leave and you will have much less stress in your life!

I’m starting to get more excited for the future: living in a new place, having our own apartment again, meeting new friends, trying new foods, and starting a new adventure together, completely foreign to both of us in many ways (the baby included)! Life is not what I would ever have predicted, but I’m always willing to embrace change and, with the Lord’s help and his Hope, look for the good in it.

review of the “Nook” e-reader

I recently decided to buy an e-reader, which is somewhat uncharacteristic of me. Frankly, I like books; I always have. My husband probably wishes I liked them less, because every time we move we end up with plenty of heavy boxes of them. However, I bought an e-reader because we are planning to move to South Korea within the next couple of months, and it seems crazy to me to either analyze and decide which books we want to bring with us when we go (suitcase space will be at a premium), or to not bring any, buy some, and then get rid of them when we leave. Of course we’ll probably end up bringing or buying a few, but I like the idea of not having to worry about what cookbooks, references or favorite novels to take with us, and instead being able to store the books I want on this little device.

I bought my Nook a week or two ago, and so far it’s been great. Here’s a short pro/con list as far as functionality goes; and I’m sure you could find better reviews elsewhere, but these are major points that I would make:

Pros:

- Fairly inexpensive ($139 for the e-ink version I bought)
- Touch screen (Amazon’s Kindle that is priced similarly does not currently have this)
- Long battery life, especially compared with a laptop
- Can read multiple document types, notably PDF and EPUB files (EPUB is used for public domain/free books found online)

Cons:

- Amazon’s website is much easier to use than Barnes and Noble’s website

I must write a little bit about e-readers in terms of development and current usability. I feel that right now, publishers, retailers and other businesses are definitely not maximizing the opportunity they have to offer good services and products to customers using e-readers. Right now, if I want to download a book to my reader, it’s rather expensive – on average, most books (not in the public domain) cost $9-12: not much cheaper than a paper copy. Obviously publishers still want to make a profit from what they produce, but considering the fact that an e-book is just a digital copy, I would think they would be significantly cheaper or have better special offers. So far I haven’t experienced that. I also can’t use coupon codes and such when buying books from the Barnes and Noble website. I think I can buy books from Amazon, but I haven’t looked into it yet; I’ve just been trying to understand the B&N system.

There also isn’t a whole lot out there if you can’t afford to buy books frequently. I was really hoping to find some sort of online lending service (where you can lease and borrow e-books for free or a small fee), but from what I’ve seen these are not very developed or are restricted in some way (such as only allowing particular books, or only allowing Kindle users). I also have been looking into borrowing e-books from my local library, but neither the Moscow or Twin Falls libraries have this service yet (apparently it is expensive). I’m hoping I can use my parents’ account for the Las Vegas library system, as they’re more likely to have it.

There are free books you’ll find online – mostly classics that are public domain. This is good, but it really is limited. And sometimes even current well-known books don’t have an e-book version available. And sometimes if they do, it costs more than the paper copy! Also, I’ve found other people mentioning online that the B&N website has lots of free books, but they are mostly garbage. Apparently most anyone besides me who owns an e-reader likes trashy free novels…

I’m not trying to complain about it all, though. I guess I just see a lot of potential for options that doesn’t exist yet. I’m still glad I got my Nook, and I really think that since the number of e-reader users keeps growing, there will be more options within the next year or two. Currently I’m aiming to enjoy my Nook and get the most out of it that I can while being frugal and finding the best options for using it.

baby steps, baby steps

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant. We know, our families and friends have been told, and now we are part of the club where we get to share in many moments of excitement, wonder, worry, and frustration as we welcome a new member into our family.

There’s lots on my mind today because yesterday was the first day that I had an actual appointment with an OB and we got to see a little person who is residing in my body and who seemed very comfortable swimming around in there. He or she had a head, a brain, a torso, legs, arms, toes and fingers. Oh, and an umbilical cord, and a heart that we could actually see beating!

One concept I’ve reflected on a lot over the past few years – which is again on my mind – is that I want to celebrate the present and not get hung up on the future. This is probably somewhat due to my tendency to become overwhelmed at times. I especially get frustrated by societal and cultural influences that constantly push us to perform well, succeed and make a name for ourselves. These things aren’t wrong or bad in and of themselves, but they don’t determine our value as human beings. Truly, the Lord is the one who determines our value, and we find our worth and purpose in Him.

As a relatively young person, I don’t like feeling the pressure of expectations from others. I’m sure I’m not the only who has had this experience. Fortunately I don’t feel constant pressure from parents, like some, but I think people unknowingly say things out of turn; and a lot of the time, it’s people who don’t know you very well. For instance, I remember being laughed at a few years ago by the spouse of a colleague of my dad’s when I told her I’d graduated from college but still didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with my life. She condescendingly told me something like, “You’d better figure it out.” And just last week when I was on a work trip, a random woman told me that I needed to go to grad school, and not to wait too long. Never mind that I had not expressed any interest in grad school to her, and don’t have any plans to go, and don’t know what I would even do if I did go (isn’t that kind of the point of getting another degree?)…

Anyway, having a baby is no different than any other life milestone. People like to make small talk and like to know your plans for the future. In fact, yesterday the doctor was already talking about what to bring to the hospital and what their birthing plan looked like. People have already asked me about names – and I know that some people do decide those things quickly. But I’m not even showing yet! The questions that both we think through ourselves and that other people ask will probably never end, and I think I’m just now beginning to come to terms with that.

And like a lot of similar moments in my life, I’m probably not going to do what most people would do and I’m not going to make decisions the same way. I am okay with this, but it does lead to either 1. smiling and nodding when people tell you what they think about your life, or 2. trying to have a real, honest discussion about what you believe. Either choice is difficult.

Anyway, I want to again commit my mind and my heart to doing what I know is right: celebrating the present and not freaking out about the future. Sure, it’s crazy to think about becoming a parent when I didn’t really intend to, and how hard breastfeeding might be, and how cranky I will be from lack of sleep… but it really won’t do much good now. I can only absorb so much information at once, and I don’t want my current life to be consumed with obsessing over becoming a parent. Why worry? The Lord has always blessed me, no matter how much I deserve it or not, and I will praise Him in this moment, at 15 weeks when I don’t have a big belly yet but I know there is a tiny life twirling and swirling inside me. God has given me life, grace and love and now I get to pass it on to someone else. THAT is worth celebrating, dwelling on, and being excited about.

moving on

This Monday, we will be shoving the last of our possessions in our car, dropping off the keys to our duplex and heading down to southern Idaho. Our time in Moscow is swiftly closing out.

Honestly, I am very at ease when it comes to leaving. I have done it multiple times in my life. At the least, I am good at leaving someplace and not looking back. I love and thrive on change, probably because I am used to it, and I’m generally impatient, so routine becomes boring for me so quickly. But the adjustment period after leaving is always the worst, because that’s when I realize all I have lost.

Living here has really been a mixed bag. I’ve formed great relationships and obviously I met and married my husband, a high point in my life. But it’s difficult living in a college town, which is inherently a somewhat transitional place. Because people come here from all over, lots of them leave eventually, too. I’ve had more than one good friend leave town at what felt like a premature time in regards to our relationship, and I know that my departure now will be the same for at least one friend. I’ve also had a good deal of life experiences happen while in Moscow – friends passing away, family issues, spiritual changes, etc. In some ways I’m really looking forward to having a new adventure, as opposed to staying here where there are memories still alive but not many people I can share that with who were involved themselves.

To those who I’ve shared this time with, thanks so much for being a part of my life. It wouldn’t have been the same without you, and I know that we’re blessed to live in a time where living a far distance from someone doesn’t mean as much as it used to. I really hope we’ll stay connected.

The Lord’s mercies are new every morning, no matter where we find ourselves. It’s all just a matter of perspective. I’m blessed, and may you be too.