Right now, my physical possessions are in three different places, though my self is only in one.
I have about ten boxes of stuff sitting in a little-used office building in a village in South Korea. Here in Las Vegas, NV, I have the essentials and a few childhood things that haven’t been necessary to move out of my parents’ home since I left seven years ago. The bulk of what we own is in my husband’s parents garage in Twin Falls, ID. (And for the record, it really needs to be packed better than it is.)
It is a strange feeling to have my life spread out like this, but it coincidentally is reflective of my state of mind. The only thing that would make it more true would be if I had some things stored somewhere near St. Louis, where I spent a lot of my growing-up years. A big piece of me belongs there and honestly, I never expected not to go back. Now I am two steps out from living there and sometimes I feel like I left on a whim. Yet nothing has been strong enough to pull me back yet, though it’s not that I haven’t tried.
When I get on Facebook and see the constant stream of familiar faces, settled into nice homes with their families, I feel like I am doing something wrong. The permanence that they have, the sense of place and routine that they have is something I long for but haven’t really gotten yet. And at this point I don’t know when that will happen.
But there is something comforting in being “without a country.” We have recently come home from two years of living abroad, yet something in us is not ready to settle down yet, despite the struggles of expat life. Part of it is a sense that we might miss out on something if we don’t try something new. And there is also something to be said for having a crazy, hair-brained idea and just seeing if you really can make it work.
That was our first two years in South Korea – a hair-brained scheme that turned out differently than we’d thought. Now we’re hatching a new plan and only time will tell how it will work out. I think we still have at least a couple more years of feeling scattered to the wind. But I aim to take joy in the journey wherever we go.